20 Ways To Get A Beyblader To Kill You
by MidnightStarr
Summary: Find out some foolproof and dangerous ways to provoke anger in our favorite Beyblade characters!
1. Kai

**Kai**

1. Say that if Tyson cut his hair, they'd look awfully alike.

2. Leave a message on his answering machine pretending to be Tala, swearing his undying love for him.

3. Stick him in a bedroom with Hilary for an hour. Any longer than that would be just cruel.

4. Say he's looking a little plump lately.

5. Tell him you needed a tooth pick, so you borrowed Dranzer.

6. When he's in a bad mood (which is pretty much all the time), repeatedly say his name until you get an answer. When he does answer, say 'Hi'. Then I'd advise you to run away.

7. Try to dig up Voltaire's phone number, and say you wanted to borrow some plans for world domination.

8. Just don't listen to him. Listen to Tyson. When he asks why, say 'because he's cooler'.

9. Say Tyson damn-well deserves to be the world champion!

10. Be really nice. Hey, everyone gets suspicious of over-the-top kindness.

11. Lock him up with Ray and Mariah. Results may vary.

12. Play No Secrets' 'That's What Girls Do' very loud in the house.

13. Buy him an Ipod. Steal it. Put Hilary Duff on it to the point of overkill.

14. Pluck a hair out of his head and yell 'DNA!'.

15. Hand out Kai's address and home phone number to his fans. Say Kai reconsidered his option to date him/her.

16. Have an all-girls slumber party, and kick the other boys out of the house. Force Kai to come. Once he makes an appearance, proceed to make him play Spin The Bottle and Truth Or Dare.

17. Walk around the house in your underwear. Obviously in front of Kai. When he notices you, yell 'DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT YOU PERVERT!'

18. Draw sketches. Nude sketches of him and other boys to be exact.

19. Paint Dranzer black. Especially the image of the phoenix on the front. When Kai flips, tell him you did nothing. 'Uh oh, Voltaire must be back!'

20. Act like Tyson. Nothing more needs to be said.


	2. Mariah

**Mariah**

1. Say you caught Ray canoodling with Salima _and_ Mariam by the bridge last night.

2. Sabotage her shampoo. With black hairdye.

3. When she asks you to be honest with her over something, say ok. Then, 'your boobs are too big'. When she flips, retort with 'Hey, you asked for the truth!'

4. Tell her Ray and Lee are gay. With EACHOTHER.

5. Lock her in a room with Kevin and Joseph.

6. Tell her she'd look sexy as a goth.

7. When you see her walk by, say that she could poke an eye out with those things. You know what I mean!

8. Say Hooters called. They want their prize waitress back.

9. Tell her she belongs in a zoo with the other mountain cats.

10. Feed her red-and I mean red-meat for dinner.

11. Steal Galux. Blame it on Kai. (Beware, consequences may result in injury from both participants)

12. Blast Slipknot and Hawthorne Heights through the house.

13. Break her Hilary Duff CDs. Again, blame on Kai. (see #11 warning)

14. Switch Mariah's and Mariam's wardrobes. (see #11 warning)

15. Tell her Lee said she was kicked off the team. So get the fuck out.

16. Make a bet with her you know she'll lose. When she does, her consequence is cooking _and_ cleaning for Tyson. For 2 weeks.

17. Say she reminds you of Paris Hilton. In a bad way.

18. Threaten to beat her up. (this may make her cry before angering her)

19. Make-out with Ray, then with Kai. Then Ray again.

20. Hide her credit cards, and refuse to let her go shopping. For bey-parts or not.


	3. Brooklyn

**Brooklyn**

1. Tell him Kai deserved to win every beybattle they had!

2. Ask him if he's gay. You just never see Brooklyn with girls. Besides that Ming Ming tart from his team.

3. Call him a mute for never talking.

4. Then call him a puppet for BEGA.

5. Suggest he switch places with Kai for a day, putting up with Tyson. Maybe then he'll have a _reason_ for not talking.

6. Tell him that he's more cyborgy than Tala ever was.

7. And the only difference between Tala and Brooklyn, is that Tala's actually HOT.

8. Tell him to can the god damn smiling. Because that makes Kai better than him too.

9. Dye his clothes ANY other color but white, preferably black. The world is tired of seeing Brooklyn, the Ordained Minister, wearing white.

10. Hey! That's a good idea! Send Brooklyn to ministery school. Tell him it was for his own good.

11. Sign him up for Anger Management. That little stunt he pulled could've landed Kai in a worse place than a hospital.

12. You know, Brooklyn could go to carpentry school too. He destroyed half the fuckin TOWN!

13. Offer to have sex with him. He will either refuse because he is too religious, or say yes. If he says yes, confront him with 'hey,aren't you a priest or something?"

14. Tell him to get haircut. At least spikes look GOOD on the other boys. Mainly Kai ^^

15. Ask him to compare Hilary and Ming Ming-And which one he would like to fuck more. Then, you can add in 'Dressing a male up like one of the females is not an option'.

16. Buy him a bunny. Then kill it.

17. Eye him weirdly. Then ask 'Where the fuck did you come from anyway?'

18. Make it clear to him that the world hates him. Being a goody-two-shoes does nothing for ya here, buddy.

19. Laugh at him when he talks to you. Talking, for Brooklyn, should be a special occasion. Now, ignore him like you could care a lot less.

20. Wreak whatever hell you can. Brooklyn likes 'Peace, and Love.'


	4. Ozuma

**Ozuma**

1. Ask him if the SaintShields all had the same mother. When you really look at them, they look alot alike.

2. Go out and buy him a shirt that actually BUTTONS UP. We're tired of seeing your abs.

3. Compare him in size to Joseph and Kevin and Ian. There's really not much of a difference.

4. Hit on or try to rape Mariam. We all know how protective he is.

5. Do every possible thing you can to get in the way of their mission.

6. This includes stealing HIS !

7. Ask how he's related to Lee from the White Tigers.

8. Get a pointy roof for the dojo. See how much fun spying is then, Ozzy.

9. Call him Ozzy.

10. Dye that oh-so mysterious cloak of his red so it matches the red in his hair.

11. Ask him if the second color in his hair is actually grey or black. No one can seem to tell.

12. Tell him to stop being an asshole and ask Mariam the fuck out already.

13. Declare Dunga to be the new SaintShields leader.

14. Stick Kevin and Joseph in the same room as him.

15. Look through his wardrobe to see if he actually has a DIFFERENT outfit.

16. Ask him that since he's so small, does he know the people who cram themselves into the drive-thru boxes. Maybe they're neighbors.'

17. Hide a bell inside Flash Leopard so the BladeBreakers always know when he's on the way.

18. Sew the words 'Dirty Sanchez Ozuma' onto the back of his cloak.

19. Legally change his name to The Wizard Of Oz.

20. Be around him at all. We all know he needs anger management.


	5. Rick

**Rick**

1. Bust up that annoying boom box he carries around.

2. Accuse him of copying the White Tiger team. Ponytails look GOOD on them, at least.

3. Then cut his hair while he's asleep.

4. Get someone obviously bigger and stronger (like Gary) or yourself if you're bigger and stronger- And kick the shit out of him. Everyone's tired of his minor threats.

5. Make him face the facts: The world likes Max better than you.

6. Ask how he and Dunga are related.

7. Make him face the facts again: Emily likes Kenny. Not you.

8. Ask him why his hair is grey. Then tell him to dye it before you shave it.

9. Say his bitbeast's attack is lame. Drop Rock? Yah, we wish someone would drop a rock on your head.

10. Accuse him of being an unfair fighter. We all know that stereo is only to distract your opponents with it's awful music. Alas, option 1.

11. Just call him names. We all know how temperamental he is.

12. Mail him back to Detroit. Once a street blader always a street blader.

13. Bring up the notion about his, um, flat nose.

14. And his burly eyebrows.

15. Remark that not only is he like Dunga, he's like Gary too.

16. Cut off his supply of energy drinks. Aha.

17. Call him weak. I mean, come on! Daichi is smaller and weaker than you, and you couldn't even defeat him! WEAKNESS!

18. Call him out about hating the PPB AllStarz. We all know you love them so.

19. Force him to choose between Mariah and Emily

20. And maybe Micheal xD


	6. Johnny

**Johnny**

1. Ask him what the hell is up with all that armor. Hey there, knight of the round tables...

2. Call him feminine. Yes Johnny, oh mighty tennis star, you are so masculine.

3. Burn that god damn bandana.

4. Blame that on Ray and Mariam. They were jealous because it looked better on him.

5. Ask him if he'd wanna look like Kai. If the answer is yes, hand him blue face paint and blue hair dye. If the answer is no, do it all while he's sleeping.

6. Pit he and Emily against eachother in a tennis match, and bid on the winner.

7. So bid on Emily.

8. Ask 'so, what's the deal with those kilt things anyway?'

9. Knowing Johnny, he probably has an electric guitar or something. Switch whatever it is with bagpipes. 'Dammit Johnny, RESPECT YOUR HERITAGE!'

10. When Johnny-boy actually does learn to play the bagpipes, crack them into pieces.

11. Shove one up his ass.

12. Call him Johnny-boy. (see #10)

13. Ask him where the fuck is his Scottish accent.

14. You REALLY wanna piss Johnny McGregor off? Okay. Let's... INSULT THE SCOTS! (beware, may result in injury from an entire country and may possibly start a war)

15. Tell his bitbeast to eat him.

16. Leave that fancy battle suit of his out in the rain. Then, force him to watch it rust... Slowly and painfully...

17. Bite HIS head off for a change. Hey, you mean to me, I be mean to you.

18. Then make fun of him for being headless.

19. Ask him when the last time he got layed was. Maybe that's why he's so bitter...

20. Buy Johnny a hooker. And make sure she uses ALL his cash. And then steals his blade. Tehe.


	7. Mystel

**Mystel**

1. Keep ripping off that mask of his. Say that you want to see if he's like Micheal Jackson.

2. Ask him 'Where the hell did you come from anyway?'

3. Comment on his hair color. It's like a male Paris Hilton, except not as slutty .Or so we know.

4. Ask him what's up with his earrings. Hello? Only GIRLS wear 2 earrings!

5. Tell him to take off that damn toga.

6. Like Ozuma earlier, get him a beeper or a bell so everyone can tell when he's coming. The way he appears and disappears like a hawk is getting annoying and just a tad creepy.

7. Taunt him about the eyes on his mask. Then, ask if you poked all 4 eye slits, could you poke all four of his eyes.

8. Test your theory.

9. Tell Kai that Mystel stole his disappearing trick.

10. Rent Mystel out for kids' birthday parties, because he's a magician.

11. Ask him if the 'running up mountains' trick is learnable.

12. Tell the White Tiger team he stole that from them, just like Kai's act.

13. Put up posters advertising Mystel as a thief.

14. Hand Mystel over to the police. And offer a reward.

15. Taken from Mystel's own bank account.

16. Use and abuse Poseidon while he's away.

17. Break Poseidon while he's away.

18. Tell him to do the 'Dance Like An Egyptian' thing.

19. Make fun of the 'Dance Like An Egyptian' thing.

20. Send him BACK to Egypt, and claim that's where he belongs.


	8. Spencer

**Spencer**

1. Make fun of that thing he wears on his head. It's not a headband, it's... It's like a fucked up version of earmuffs..

2. Call him down to the dirt about the muscles. You may think you're scary, but you're not.

3. Then say, 'if you haven't noticed, Kai and Tala are half your size, and they're TERRIFYING compared to you.'

4. Sit next to his bed while he's asleep, and blow on him with a hairdryer. When he wakes and asked what you're doing, say you're trying to see if he shrinks.

5. Taunt him about being the strong silent type. 'What's the matter? Boris got your tongue?'

6. Ask him if he dyed his hair. It changed color ALOT between Year 1 and Year 3.

7. Congratulate him (in a phony way) for wearing Green and Orange. And we all thought Max was the only one who could pull that off..

8. Make him look in the mirror. Make sure you point out how that dark line over his eyes makes it look like he has a unibrow.

9. Hand him over to the authorities, claiming he was gunna shoot you when you launched for the beybattle.

10. Act all stupid and retarded when you find out that 'gun' was actually his launcher.

11. Humor him about it. Then replace his fake gun-launcher with a real hand gun xD

12. Then say you had nothing to do with it. Just make sure you're not the one he's battling against.

13. Laugh and press your face up against the squad car windows as he's being taken away.

14. Make fun of the way he dresses. Who tucks cargo pants into ski boots in the middle of summer???

15. Not to mention the high-waisted pants.'Well hello, Ercle.'

16. Call him Steve Ercle.

17. Prank call him and the rest of his team, pretending to be Boris.

18. Say they're wanted back at the abbey.

19. For sex changes.

20. But in Spencer's case, transvesti-sation.(adding a vagina xD)


	9. Tala

**Tala**

1. Try to plug him into a wall outlet. 'You _are_ an android right?'

2. See if he'd fit into your walkman. You need new batteries.

3. Taunt him about wearing orange. Boy, that REALLY spells fear.

4. Ask about that hair of his. Is 'Grease' still the word?

5. Offer to trade bitbeast attacks with him. Get one in english. I mean, Novae Rog, what the hell is that? Aha.

6. Walk up to him, and look him straight in the eye.

7. Then ask, 'Did that Boris dude really rape you?'

8. Send him to 'Power Management' classes. Claim that Brooklyn is going too, so he won't be alone.

9. Call him emo. Just to make irony of the situation.

10. Ask what it was like to be second best to Kai when he returned to the D-Boys in the 3rd year.

11. Attempt to revive the spirit of Voltaire, using voodoo-Then seek the angry spirit on Tala (Note: wait until Voltaire is dead. Can also be effective with Boris.)

12. Make it clear to him that you can't hide from the world forever.

13. Then, make it clear to him that you can't hide from your fangirls forever, either. 'Tala's house is this way, ladies!'

14. On top of the orange 'doesn't spell fear' thing, top it off with 'Max Tate totally did it first. And he looks better'.

15. Offer him a choice where you know he's stuck with using an embarrassing answer either way. Such as, 'would you rather fuck me- or Kai?'

16. Try to release Wolborg into the wild. Wolves are vastly decreasing in numbers.

17. Demand he gain some weight. He looks like a man-orexic.

18. And, another one to ask if 'Boris got your tongue? Why won't you talk god dammit?'

19. Engage him in a delightful round of no-escape 'Truth or Dare'.

20. Ask who the last guy he thought about being gay with was. And counter with 'You know, everyone is bisexual at some point...'


	10. Robert

**Robert**

1. Give him an appropriate nickname- Courtesy of glitteredvixen06- 'Rob The Snob'.

2. Not to mention that he's another candidate for the 'armor in the rain' thing.

3. Make fun of his helmet hair.

4. And it's purple. BLUE is what's totally in. Aha.

5. Act as uncouth as round him as possibly, mainly in public places.

6. Everytime be makes the simplest mistake or the smallest fracture of perfection, call him his favorite insult-Uncouth.

7. Make it clear to him that he's NOT high and mighty. He's actually quite unpopular.

8. Then make it clear to him that the popular one is Johnny.

9. Follow him around with a pen and paper. When he asks what you're doing, decide you are going to write a biography on him since he was so famous.

10. Blur all the details SIGNIFICANTLY.

11. Then, after he reads it and flips at you, start to follow him around again. This time, you're writing a bio on his ANCESTORS that he loved so much, all based on the long speeches he gives. 'Be sure you get all the details right, Robert. I'm copying word from word'.

12. Publish BOTH said biographies.

13. Since he loves chess so much, offer to buy him a human chess board: make sure he's a knight and not a king.

14. Better yet, get him a human chess board in the style of the Harry Potter movies- Wizard's Chess.

15. Sell him. On ebay. And you found a buyer who offered the highest bid- $10.

16. Said bidder was Sanquinex.

17. Compliment that George Bush does a better job of being 'couth' than he does.

18. When you are in his presence, push up your nose with your finger.

19. Be totally honest-for someone with the money to make himself look good and all, -he doesn't.

20. Accuse him of being a coward for various reasons. I believe nothing pisses him off worse than that does.


	11. Ray

_**Ray**_

1. Claim to have seen Mariah making goo-goo eyes at Salima o. O

2. Go tell him, 'uh oh, Mariah found out about that night you had with Salima and she said you're a fucktard and she never wants to see you again.'

3. Instead of a bathroom, put a litterbox in Ray's room.

4. If he's such a great cook, make him cook for Tyson for 2 weeks; And we all know how Tyson eats!

5. Go scissor-happy on that ponytail of his.

6. Use the hair you cut off to make a 6-foot raven wig for yourself.

7. Pretend to be him, and ask for random girls' numbers.

8. Everytime he breathes on or touches you, run to the ER for a rabies shot.

9. Put him in a zoo.

10. Give Driger back to the SaintShields.

11. Then watch, laughing maniacally as they seal Driger back into the rock.

12. Stare at him with a cocked eyebrow, and say 'What team are you on anyway? No one can seem to tell. Man, you _do _betray people.'

13. Read him your favorite fanfic. You know, the one where Ray gets knocked up by Kai? (May result in injury from both participants)

14. Ask him how long he's been a waiter.

15. Say his 'oh so famous' food gave you food poisoning.

16. Everytime you pass a large body of water, give Ray a shove.

17. Say that you wanted to see him yowl like a cat.

18. Make sure that the only thing he's given to eat is raw meat or fish.

19. Tell Mariah that he and Lee are gay with eachother. (May result in injury from all 3 participants)

20. When you're walking, randomly walk on his ponytail. Don't apologize.


	12. Tyson

**Tyson**

1. Crack off that sword that Dragoon came out of.

2. Lock him in a room with Kai. (results may vary)

3. Lock him in a room with Hilary. (results may vary)

4. Keep pressing that he and Hilary fight like a married couple.

5. Say what everyone thinks- Kai should be the main character.

6. Sell him to Daichi, telling Daichi to 'do what you wish'.

7. When Tyson walks backwards, make 'beep, beep, beep' noises.

8. When Hilary and Tyson lean in close to argue, bang their heads together. BAM!

9. Team up with to finally show Tyson a lesson- HOMEWORK style!

10. Chase him down the street with Hilary- bearing brooms.

11. Switch Dragoon with Cyber Dragoon. (prank may fail; knowing Tyson, he'd never know the difference.)

12. Tell him his battles are won on nothing but sheer stubborness.

13. Then say 'Hey, don't get mad at me fat ass, I thought I'd do ya a favor by being honest to you for once in your life. Might help you improve.'

14. Next time Gramps pelts Tyson in the head with a kendo stick, remark 'I've gotta get myself one of those!'

15. Take Hilary's side in EVERY argument.

16. Enter the world championships as a solo blader. Kick his ass good.

17. Send Kai pictures of him and Tyson. Tell Kai it was Tyson's idea. (may result in injury from both participants)

18. Make it clear to him that he has no fangirls- And rub it in his face after you post his address and number on the BBA website and STILL no one showed up.

19. The next time he and Hilary argue and their faces get close- Make them kiss.

20. Probably the best one here- BURN THE FOOD!!!


	13. Hilary

**Hilary**

1. Trap she and Tyson in a relatively small place. (i.e a broom closet, cupboard or garage). (results may vary)

2. Tell her to gain some weight. Scrawny runt.

3. Convince her to give Tyson a chance, by using sweet talk.

4. When she asks why a normally bitchy person like you is being so nice, admit: 'Well, we all know Kai thinks your useless and he won't go out with you. I wouldn't wish absolute heartbreak and loneliness on anyone, so I think you should take what you can get.'

5. Ask the obvious: 'I don't recall any of the BladeBreakers asking you to stick around in the first place. WTF are you still doing here??'

6. Get someone equally annoying and bid them in an all-out war. Someone like Daichi. Or Ming Ming.

7. Comment why all the other beyblade girls are better than her. 'Mariah is really SWEET.....' 'Salima is NICE to be around.....' 'Mariam is actually

PRETTY.....'

8. When she comes around, look at her weirdly.

9. When she confronts you about said behavior, retaliate with 'Aren't you dead YET? Dammit WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!'

10. Mail her to Europe. 'Enrique was bored and needed another expendable whore'.

11. Shove Dragoon down in her trap next time she decides to make a witty remark. 'We all see that you don't know shit about beyblading but you keep talking either way, so we thought that that could make you SHUT UP and _learn _something at the same time.'

12. When she continues to speak up in class, call her down to the dirt. Provided with her saying, 'well who made you class president?',

13. You say 'Well someone has to stand up to the class BITCH.'

14. Chase her around. With kendo sticks. Since she likes to beat Tyson so much, we all thought this would be a nice adjustment.

15. Buy her clothes that actually FIT. 'We're sick of seeing your bare waist when there's nothing what-so-ever good to look at there.'

16. Burn her CDs. Mainly the ones of Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears and Hilary Duff.

17. Blame it on Kai. (may result in injury from both participants)

18. I accordance to tip #4, wait a week. If she still hasn't asked Tyson out, remark 'Too late. Tyson and Kai have officially confessed their feelings to eachother because Tyson said no girls liked him. You fucked up this time Hil.'

19. Read her fics where she dies a horrible violent death, or when she's a slut.

20. Make out with Tyson. Then Kai. Deny the gay remark you made earlier.


	14. Daichi

**Daichi**

1. Take him clothes shopping. We all know how much he seems to HATE that.

2. Then tease him because you know he needs them.

3. Ask where that mark on his forehead actually came from.

4. Constantly point out how annoying his voice is.

5. Also point out how TYSON IS BETTER AT EVERYTHING (except being annoying) THAN HIM.

6. Keep pinching him. 'A pinch will help you GROW an inch!'

7. Lock him up in the ape sanctuary at the zoo with his own kind.

8. Constantly tease him about the time he fainted when he saw Tyson in the graveyard.

9. Take him for walks there often.

10. Tell him to get a new bitbeast. One that's NOT already a copy of someone else's.

11. Bid he and Tyson in an eating competition, and as we all know, Daichi won't give up.

12. So watch in amusement as Tyson eats normally while Daichi blows up.

13. Make him fly EVERYWHERE, and laugh maniacally when he keeps getting air sick.

14. Put monkey bars in the yard then claim it was to make him feel more at home.

15. Try and force him to hang around with the other midgets ;Joseph, Ian, and Kevin.

16. Have Tyson accept every challenge Daichi poses, watching in happiness as he loses.

17. Stick him on a bus with Hilary and Ming Ming for a few hours. THEN I can guarantee you'll see a psychotic monkey.

18. Only feed him bananas.

19. Ditch him with every possible occasion you have.

20. Make it clear to him that the world doesn't like him very much. At all.


	15. Joseph

**Joseph**

1. Ask how he and Kevin are related.

2. When he says no, then ask when the marriage will be.

3. Tie he and Mariam together for a few hours.

4. As with Daichi, 'a pinch to grow an inch!'

5. Compare size difference between he and Ray.

6. Walk randomly up to him and go, 'ha ha! Your hair matches your eyes!'

7. Make fun of his Tie Up The Leg shoes. 'They're for girls, man...'

8. Try to find out why people don't call him Joey.

9. Start calling him Joey.

10. Force he, Ian, and Kevin into a small space-with no escape. (results may vary)

11. Tell him King wants a rematch-and to bring SKILL with you this time.

12. Tell him to tell his sister too. That way we can embarrass both (2 birds with one stone), and may cause Joseph to get embarrassed more so when King and Queen fail to show up for the match.

13. Don't forget to laugh when you watch Mariam kick the crap out of Joseph.

14. As we all know, I just can't let the opportunity to give someone a jab about their size slip by. And I couldn't help but notice that Joseph AND Mariam fit in the same air duct together at once. 'Just how small ARE you?!'

15. Then, just for a larf, ask, 'Is everything in.. You know, proportion?' (If you don't get this you're a bloody idiot. I'm sorry.)

16. Since he likes hanging on to the bottom of trucks so much, you should tie him to the bottom of your's and hit a few speed bumps.

17. Oh, here I go with the size again... Next time you see Joseph battle, compare the bitbeast and the bo..-Midget, and elephant.

18. Declare that you wish to see Joseph and Dunga participate in holy matrimony as soon as possible since they enjoy each other's company so much.

19. Another candidate for 'Go buy some new clothes'?

20. Make the ever-slightly-true comment that he looks just as identical to a monkey as Daichi.


	16. Kevin

**Kevin**

1. Try and cut off that little pony-tail thing he has going on. It really makes him look like a cockatoo.

2. 'Kevin, it's straight up on the top of your head!' Constantly make fun of him.

3. Then make sure you put attention on how much he's obsessed with Ray.

4. Call him the emo-monkey. Who else wears bangs out over his eye?

5. Report him as a thief for stealing Ray's blade.

6. File as a lawsuit.

7. Win said lawsuit.

8. Take his Galman as the prize.

9. Specify that you want a front row seat to he and Joseph's wedding.

10. Then, after the wedding, or shortly before, tell Joseph Kevin is cheating with Ian. 'I saw them.'

11. Feed him nothing but bananas and raw fish for supper, breakfast and dinner.

12. ROTTEN bananas and raw fish.

13. Drive him to the zoo and leave him there. A far away zoo.

14. Empty out that knapsack he always carries around. 'What is IN there???'

15. Make fun of him more because no matter what he does, the rest of his team will never show him any respect.

16. Don't forget to charge Kevin with murder either-I read somewhere that he attempted to kill Ray.

17. Don't forget to tear down all missing person posters after you've abandoned Kevin at the zoo.

18. Call him a cry-baby.

19. Lock him in a room with Mariah for a few hours. (results may vary)

20. Accuse him of fancying Ray.


	17. Bryan

**Bryan**

1. Trap him outside in a tornado. See how _he_ likes it.

2. Then comment on how much uglier he got from season 1 to season 3.

3. Stare at him with your own inventive death glare.

4. And when you lose, which you probably will, say he sucks anyway because Kai totally did it first.

5. Then, after that, show him what it's _really_ like to be tortured-Tickle-wise.

6. Take random pictures of him, and make fun of that wide smile he sports in the 3rd season.

7. Constantly read him fics of he and Spencer getting intimate.

8. Be sure to put emphasis on the fact that he was the one who put Ray in the hospital- When Kon's fangirls are roaming about.

9. Say his voice makes your ears bleed. 'Hey! It's the truth!'

10. Put him on the spot ALL THE TIME for using lame tricks like having your bitbeast attack the blader.

11. Take Ray's side in the argument.

12. Whenever you're around him, act like a mime. He's so damn quiet he just might understand you.

13. Ask him to prove if he's truly heartless. A person is one thing; baby bunnies is another.

14. Make fun of him because he got benched when Kai returned to the Blitzkrieg Boys.

15. Do I have to say it? Why is everyone wearing orange these days!? 'Tala's bad enough, but you, Bryan? Shame.'

16. Call him a pussy.

17. Come up with the saddest, and most dramatic things you can think of. Don't quit until he cries.

18. Then make fun of him.

19. Mail him back to Russia just days before the world championships. And to the abbey of course.

20. Ask him perturbing questions about the abbey. 'All those rumors flying about, you know, the beating, and the uh... Raping, are they true?'


	18. Emily

**Emily**

1. This time around, bet on JOHNNY to win the tennis match.

2. Simply enough, call her a dork. There's _no_ lying in that.

3. Try and bid she and Ming Ming to do battle against eachother for Kenny's heart.

4. Crack that damn tennis racket off.

5. On Micheal's head.

6. Blame on Emily. (may result in injury from both participants)

7. Tell her to leave Max the fuck alone. 'He's Mariam's already!'

8. Offer her a 'weird' comment: 'You now, I've gotta hand it to you. You hardly get any dorks who can play SPORTS too!'

9. Force her to take the back bench when the AllStarz are blading. We all know how much she'll love that.

10. Lock she, Hilary and Mariah in the same room. 'The last one alive wins!' (results may vary)

11. Make fun of her glasses. 'Haha, Harry Potter only nerdier!'

12. When she shows up wearing that labcoat, eye her weirdly. 'Aren't you a little YOUNG to have a job?'

13. Insult her methods of boy capture. 'Yes Emily, get to the mother, you little ass kisser.'

14. Claim, 'I was talking to your last boyfriend. He said he tried to kiss you, but your glasses got in the way!'

15. Ask, 'Are you still a corporate lab rat for the AllStar team?'

16. Lock she and Kenny in a customization room for a few days. It might get them together, AND we won't have to see her face! 'Two birds with one stone!'

17. Play Ming Ming's albums very loudly when she is present.

18. Show her Kenny's autographed poster of everyone's favorite pop star!

19. Ask is she EVER changes her clothes. Her outfit stayed the same, except she added a gay-ass jacket to it in the third season.

20. Buy her a math kit for her birthday, a chemistry set for christmas, and health food for Halloween.


	19. Mariam

**Mariam**

1. Confront her about being the only beyblade girl that actually has an appetite.

2. Make fun of her sweatband. How much sweat is in there, anyway?

3. Say 'so you lost to Queen. So what? Suck it up already you wuss.'

4. Create false letters about her confessing her undying love for Dunga.

5. Post them on the internet.

6. Tie she and her brother together for a day. Any longer and the SaintShields will have lost two members.

7. Ask if she and her team were cloned from the White Tigers.

8. Lock her in a room with Joseph, Dunga and Kevin.

9. Adding Hilary to the mix would be exciting too xD

10. Tell her to cut her hair. If it grows any longer it'll be dragging on the ground!

11. Get right up in her face, and ask 'does it hurt to know that Ozuma doesn't really care for you at ALL?'

12. Make it clear to her that sarcasm is _not_ a second language.

13. Make her another victim of the 'girls can't blade for shit' technique.

14. Poke fun at her blading skills. 'You needed an invisible bitbeast and the help of your brother to defeat the weakest member of the BladeBreakers? That's sad.'

15. Ask why the hell SharKrash stayed with her since she didn't even value him as a partner. 'Dude, I'd leave that bitch and make my own way.'

16. Confront her about being the only beygirl to wear make-up. Eyeliner isn't much, but it's something...

17. Teach Dunga some new comebacks. 'Let's let _her_ have it for a change!'

18. Then tease her about being able to dish out the dirt but not take it back.

19. Ask 'where the hell are you FROM, anyway?'

20. Actually tell Gramps that Max is her boyfriend.


	20. Ian

**Ian**

1. Say 'Ian, my good man, I am in need of an airport to land my plane. May I borrow your nose?'

2. And you can always top that nice little comment with a retort on 'Micheal Jackson Impersonator'.

3. Constantly go around asking people where the fuck he went in the third season.

4. Bring him with you to see your plastic surgeon.

5. Ditch him and leave him there.

6. Ask if he was involved in the Joseph/Kevin break-up.

7. Sell him to a circus. They need tiny people to drive around in those tiny cars.

8. Or to a fast foods joint. 'Don't they need midgets to cram into drive-thru boxes?'

9. Call him off about those goggles. 'Are you trying to get Matilda to go out with you, or get Tai Kamea to kick the shit out of you?'

10. Take that god damned gun away from him. Trigger-happy little bastard...

11. Or at least get him a smaller one. In case no one has noticed, you don't see him without it. And it's nearly bigger than he is.

12. Congratulate him on not wearing orange. 'You couldn't have pulled it off anyway!'

13. But tell him about being another one of those losers who picked a shitty hat/earmuff combination type thing. 'It looks horrible on you, and on top of that, Spencer did it first.'

14. Confront him with 'I was talking to your ex-gf. She said she tried to kiss you, but your nose got in the way.' Ooooooh, ouch!

15. As well as make him another candidate for the 'pinch and grown an inch' experiment.

16. Stick him in a wind tunnel, and say you wanted to see if he'd blow away.

17. Keep leaving copies of the plastic surgeon's number all around Ian's house.

18. Say 'You know, that nose is just like Mariah's boobs. Tone it down, before you poke an eye out.'

19. Dress him up like one of the midgets in 'The Wizard Of Oz' and say his new master is Ozuma.

20. Try and stretch him out.


	21. Max

**Max**

1. Well, how about this: Give Max DE-CAFF coffee!

2. Tell the whole world that the bit about Max dying his hair to impress the girls is TRUE.

3. Try to make him stylist to the Demolition Boyz. They seem to like orange enough.

4. Compliment on how he never gets angry. 'Be prepared boys, all that negative energy built up during his life is going to release some day... And all hell will break loose.'

5. DUMP THE SUGAR!

6. Better yet, REPLACE IT WITH FLOUR!

7. Exchange the room mate lineup. Try sticking Max with KAI, and RAY with Tyson!

8. Call him his favorite nickname-No, not Maxie- 'Mommy's Little Boy'.

9. Ask him where he grew up. Judging by the Tye Dye-Gone-Wrong-Jumper-And-Suspenders, I'd say a farm.

10. You can also ask 'dude, what _is_ the deal with your parents anyway?'

11. Then force him to choose.

12. Pin him down with the help of someone bigger than Max, and proceed to dress him up like an emo kid.

13. Goth works even better.

14. Just to add to the 'dying of Max's hair' subject, you can bring up, in a crowded place, 'Max, your hair looks a different color in this picture-Oh, and that one!'

15. Ban Max from every available sweets store in the province.

16. Make him choose who he likes better, and the one he would like to spend the rest of his life with: Mariam, Emily, or his Mom o.O

17. Laugh REALLY hard when he picks his Mom.

18. Or, you can shake things up a bit and throw Tyson into the choice range xD

19. Be the only one who thinks it cute how Max looks YOUNGER every year instead of older.

20. Eat candy RIGHT in front of him while he's tied to something. Lollipops work well. 'Slowly, and painfully... Lick, savor, savor, _**savor!**_ Then swallow.'


	22. Ming Ming

**Ming Ming**

1. Buy her some oil-no, not massage oil-Oil to fix that squeaky voice of her's.

2. Better yet, get her a singing teacher. Contrary to what people believe, I'd rather see you working with a vocal coach than Hiro Granger any day.

3. Tell her to STOP TORTURING KENNY! We all know he likes Emily, and your horrible, hypnotizing voice is ruining their relationship.

4. And there's also the fact that a dress has no place in the beystadium.

5. You can ask her what CHARITY work she's done lately with her millions of dollars...

6. On live T.V.

7. Mark her down as the cheater she is. Try blading without having your opponent listening to that horrible racket.

8. Place every album of her's you can find in a store in the clearance rack.

9. Once she takes the hint that no one besides her blind fans will ever like her (in fact they might be deaf too), set her up with someone her own height: Daichi. And sanity too.

10. Use the celebrity-annoying favorite: Call her a diva.

11. Or, you can share a few tidbits of her secret personal life with the tabloids.

12. All false of course.

13. Stick she, Emily, Hilary and Mariah in the same room. For 5 minutes. Any longer and it'll get fatal.

14. Take her shopping. Charge everything to Hiro's credit card. Saying it was your own. (warning, may result in injury from both participants)

15. Wear 'Anti-Pop star' t-shirts around her.

16. CRACK every CD she has. Most of them are probably her own anyway.

17. Blame it on Kai. (warning, may result in injury from both participants)

18. Run through the house, screaming at the top of your lungs. When asked what you're doing, say you're trying to beat Ming Ming in a karaoke contest.

19. Then claim you won.

20. Tear up any and all posters you see of her. Or, you can take a black marker and draw mustaches on them. _Always _fun.


	23. Dunga

**Dunga**

1. Make fun of him for crying at movies.

2. Then make him GO to a sad movie, just so you can laugh.

3. Say that if he took off the bandana, he'd look quite similar to Hercules.

4. Then add on, 'That wasn't a compliment.'

5. Take Mariam's side in every argument.

6. Cheer for Kai at every beybattle. He always loses anyway xD

7. Tell him to go get a fucking haircut.

8. Then ask him why he has such dark skin. He doesn't look african-american...

9. But you can tell him that he looks like someone who's been staring at a Delissio pizza cook in the oven for too long.

10. Stare at him weirdly whenever you see him.

11. When he asks why, reply with 'Your pants look like a garbage bag.'

12. Claim to be scheming ways to get he and Rick together.

13. Or he and Gary.

14. Or he and MARIAM. (Warning; May result in injury from both participants)

15. Lock him in the zoo with the rest of his family.

16. Say 'Now that I mention it, your bandana kinda looks like a plastic bag too.'

17. Continue to point out how he once said 'I never get angry!'

18. Talk to Ian; get Ian to lend Dunga the number of the plastic surgeon.

19. Keep bringing up the time he collapsed and cried in his worst enemy's lap.

20. Book him into an anger management class. 'Brooklyn is attending too, so you won't be alone.'


	24. Voltaire

**Voltaire**

1. Call him a sadistic weirdo. Hey, it's only the truth.

2. Then you can compare him to Micheal Jackson. 'Gotta love raping little boys!'

3. Ask if he's LEE'S grandfather... If you look carefully, they are actually quite similar... (Warning, may result in injury from both participants)

4. Say 'Does anyone else think Voltaire and Dracula look eerily similar?'

5. Switch every ounce of tomato juice in the house with blood.

6. When you see him out and about, scream 'DRACULA! RUN!' and run away like the scared little puppy you are.

7. Since Voltaire came up with the BIOVOLT corporation name, I thought we could jazz it up a lil... How about Bastards. Intent. On. Vanquishing. Obsolete. Loser. Transvestites?

8. Make sure the world is familiar with the new abbreviations.

9. Plan your own funeral, and ask about Kai's GRANDMA.

10. And then Kai's MOTHER or FATHER.

11. Say 'Well BIOVOLT can't be that great considering it's star pupil escaped as a lil child.....'

12. Ask around to see is anyone besides yourself has noticed that Voltaire has a weird hair thing, directly in the middle of his head....

13. Then, instead of Dracula, you can change the name-calling to Peacock.

14. Attack him with scissors in the middle of the night. Claim you were trying to cut off his peacock thingy.

15. Ask the unthinkable and disgusting; 'How old are you anyway?'

16. Change the name of the abbey to 'The NeverLand Ranch'.

17. Sneak into his bedroom... And replace his bed with a coffin.

18. Or you can stake him in the chest. Everyone wants to know if the legend is true.

19. When Voltaire goes to prison, stick him in a cell next to Sadaum Husane. THAT should be fun.

20. And after they take over the world together, continue screaming out at the top of your lungs, 'I told you so!'


	25. Zeo

**Zeo**

1. (Compliments of gliitch) You could ask him 'Do robots go through puberty or are you going to be small and puny forever?'

2. Book a church.

3. Become an ordained minister.

4. Declare that you welcome he and Tyson to holy matrimony with open arms.

5. If Zeo denies it, don't give him a break till he pleads guilty. 'DAMN YOU ZEO! LOVING TYSON IS NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED ABOUT!'

6. Then tell everyone behind his back, 'Who am I kidding? If I fell in love with Tyson, I'd commit suicide.'

7. Draw attention to how he constantly drags Tyson off with him, and follows him around.

8. Compare him to Tala. They're both cyborgs right? 'Tala's the bird, and Zeo's the worm.'

9. Attempt to plug him into a wall outlet.

10. When he asks what the fuck you're doing, say you needed a new hair dryer.

11. Stick him out on the lawn; Then turn the sprinklers on. ZAP! aha.

12. Make fun of his pajamas. I wasn't the only one who thought he looked like a checker board gone wrong, I'm sure.

13. Buy him new pajamas. Even GAYER ones. But claim they're cool.

14. And snigger at him every night when he walks by.

15. 'Teach me your techniques Tyson!' Oooohhhh, what techniques might those be? Ask Tyson if you can sit in on one of their 'private' classes.

16. And bring a camera.

17. Go scissor-happy on that head of hair.

18. Throw random things at him, like knives and pianos. Hey,he's an android thingy; He can't die... Right?

19. Test your theory MORE and MORE.

20. Try to upgrade him. In the most ridiculous ways. 'Um... Do you have AC?'


	26. Lee

**Lee**

1. Try to earn him a spot in 'The Lion King; ON BROADWAY!'

2. Or at least a spot in a plastic surgeon's office. 'I am sick; SICK and TIRED of seeing all you people with your weird noses!'

3. Keep agitating him about how PMS-sy he was when Ray left the village. JEALOUS much?!

4. And not to mention inconsiderate; Make sure Galeon knows that Lee was going to dump him for Driger.

5. Call attention to all the family drama he has; I mean, jesus man, how bad do you have to be before your own GRANDFATHER gives your best friend a legendary bitbeast?

6. Make fun of his shoes. 'Ballerina much?'

7. And much like Ozuma, PUT ON A GODDAMN SHIRT!

8. If he refuses, you can say 'Well, the least you could do is dye your hair. The gray is really cramping our hip young style.'

9. Then recommend he go hang out with Grandpa and .

10. Cram he and Ozuma in the same room; Make them have a fight. Bet on who will win.

11. Of course you'd bet on Ozuma.

12. Sodomize how he's always around Mariah. 'INCEST!'

13. Say 'Oh and Lee! Here's another tip: TAKE OFF THOSE DAMN ARM BANDAGES! Got a broken bone or something?!'

14. Release Galeon back into the wild.

15. But put Lee in a zoo.

16. Whenever you see him, call him Simba.

17. Or Mufasa.

18. When he gets pissed off, tell him 'Hakuna Matata.'

19. Laugh as he gets madder.

20. Kidnap Mariah; Blame Ray. (May result in injury from all participants)


	27. Julia

**Julia**

1. GET SOME NEW CLOTHES! God! Am I the only one who doesn't think that circus performers belong in a beystadium?

2. Not to mention that you could point out being raised by a circus is something to be ASHAMED about! 'You were raised by a circus troupe? I'd keep that to myself if I were you!'

3. Take Raul's side in every argument.

4. Denounce Julia as the 'uncool' sibling.

5. Announce Raul as the 'cooler' sibling.

6. Ask if she and Raul were cloned from Mariam and Joseph. Take a look at both bro/sis pairs, and tell me they don't look alike! I DARE YOU!

7. Since she acts so tough, challenge her to a beybattle WITHOUT Raul at her side. Let's see how good she is then.

8. Or, you could buy her a bottle of hairdye. ONE SOLID COLOR PLEASE!

9. Make fun of her hair, calling her the 'female version of Kai-Only less cool.'

10. Tie she and Raul together for 2 hours.

11. Constantly complain to her about how circuses promote animal cruelty.

12. Give other protesters her address.

13. Make it clear to her; The world likes Raul, it doesn't like you, stay away from the world, stay in your fantasy, back the fuck OFF.

14. Better yet, steal her blade and blame it on one of the circus monkeys she loves so much.

15. Plainly tell her to stop being such a bitch.

16. Ask her if that blonde guy on her team is gay. 'He sure looks the part!'

17. Tell her the truth; 'Without Raul, you're NOTHING.'

18. Show her all the fics in which she and Tala are a couple.

19. Then accuse her of liking him for real. (Results may vary, and result in injury from both participants.)

20. Ask, 'Hey, if you're in the circus, why is _Kai_ the one wearing face paint?'


	28. Salima

**Salima**

1. Complain about her hair. 'Uh, the last time I checked, spiky hair belonged to the _guys_...'

2. Make her face the facts; Ray belongs to Mariah!

3. Call Salima a mute. I mean, does anyone else besides me notice that she hardly talks?

4. Then try to pair her up with Tala.

5. Say she's not worthy of the BladeBreaker's friendship. She doesn't even have her own bitbeast...

6. You could also call her a coward. We all know very well that if she had spoken up about not wanting to use the cyber bitbeasts to Dr.B, the whole thing just might not have happened...

7. Constantly get mad at her; 'WHY ON EARTH did you give Kane the bitbeast?! He simply asked you for it, and you handed it back over WITHOUT A FIGHT?!'

8. Tell her that Ray is disgusted with what she's done, and no longer wants to have her in his life.

9. And Mariah wants blood.

10. Call her a weenie. We saw how close she was to tears after Ray defeated her.

11. Call her stupid too. What kills me is that she actually _went back_ to the PhyKicks after the match.

12. Make her face a lil more harsh reality; Kane_ doesn't _WANT you!

13. After telling her that, say she should just go lesbian. Save the world a lot of trouble.

14. Give her personal address to other evil organizations. Hey, once evil, always evil!

15. Explain to Mariah how you saw Salima cuddling up to Ray on the bridge last night.

16. Then run for cover and watch all the excitement unfold.

17. After Ray has decided to leave them both, THEN come clean how it was you that started the rumor.

18. Lock yourself in a room and lean against the door, enjoying Salima's energy being spent on trying to kill you.

19. Make fun of her huge eyes. 'Aha!'

20. Steal Kenny's glasses, and place them on Salima when she's asleep. Blame it on Salima. (Warning; May result in injury from both participants)


	29. Oliver

**Oliver**

1. Well, I think we should start with the die-hard obvious one; 'AHA! YOU'RE GAY!'

2. Has anyone else noticed that he doesn't have an accent? So start calling him an illegal immigrant.

3. And then put a warrant out for his arrest.

4. Claim his award-winning food gave you food poisoning, and that Ray should step up in his place.

5. After he's been fired of course. (Wink wink)

6. Just simply make fun of him. 'Now what kind of man has a UNICORN for a bitbeast?!'

7. Then tell him you're gonna hunt Unicolyon down and steal his horn.

8. Say his high-pitched voice is a perfect result of someone who should be taking hormones to help them hit puberty.

9. Actually, GET those hormones and slip them into his oh-so-perfect french drinks.

10. Switch Galux and Unicolyon and see whether Oliver or Mariah can tell the difference before it's too late. (I.e a good time to do this is before the world championships) (Also, this may result in injury from both participants)

11. In fact, dye Oliver's lime green hair pink and make him replace Lee.

12. Leave that armor of his out in the rain, much like Johnny and Robert before him. It would look better brown anyway.

13. Pants him right in the middle of town. Better yet, a city! 'I see London, I see France, I see Oliver's underpants!'

14. Don't pass up any opportunity you have to screw up his latest art masterpiece.

15. Then retitle it 'Disasterpiece; A duet with 'insert name here''.

16. Ask other gay guys if they want the number of a cutie.

17. FORCE Oliver to talk to them when they call.

18. Buy one of those long french baguette bread rolls.

19. Then beat him with it.

20. And just so he can't hit you back, make Tyson eat it.


	30. Micheal

**Micheal**

1. Ask for rights to legally change his last name to 'Jackson'.

2. Challenge him to a baseball game, and TOTALLY KICK HIS ASS.

3. Ask who he had shave off his sideburns from the 1st season. Then say you think Lee has the same stylist.

4. Put emphasis on how he seemed to go emo in the 3rd season. 'Geeze, not even KAI wears his hair like you do!'

5. Don't forget to mention his dye job.

6. Call him an older version of Tyson.

7. Say you think Rick is _so_ much cooler than him.

8. And hotter.

9. Then tell him to get the fuck over it.

10. When he doesn't, get Rick to beat him up.

11. Sing 'Take Me Out To The Ball Game' every time you see him. And I mean EVERY TIME.

12. Boo him at all his baseball games.

13. Better yet, boo him at his beyblade matches too.

14. You can also yell out 'Pitcher's got a rubber arm!'

15. Constantly repeat baseball jokes about Micheal's favorite teams till he feels the need to beat you over the head with his bat. 'Well, it's time for the All-Star game again. Or as the Tigers call it, baseball fantasy camp.'

16. Say this; 'You know what's similar between Micheal Parker and Micheal Jackson? They both have the same first names... And since Micheal can't catch a ball, they each wear a glove for no apparent reason too.'

17. Then laugh and run away so you don't get sued, or wacked in the skull by a flyball. 'Hey! I said he can't CATCH!'

18. Remark on how everyone knows Micheal's blading is more flash than substance.

19. Keep sending lil kiddies over to Micheal 'Jackson''s house selling candy bars. Make sure you do a headcount.

20. Accuse him of jealousy towards Max, and love of a computer nearly worse than Kenny. 'It's all a ploy to get to_ Judy_, ISN'T IT!?'


	31. Boris

**Boris**

1. Rat him out to the police for raping little boys.

2. Glue that mask he wears to his face.

3. Then try to rip it off.

4. Ask him how his stay in prison was.

5. Also, 'Is it true? You know, about that rumor, ....Don't drop the soap?'

6. Put he and Micheal Jackson in the same room with a bunch of kindergartners. Say you want to find out who the BEST is.

7. Then laugh when it's Micheal. 'Not only do you RAPE KIDS, but you're bad at it too!'

8. Crank call him, pretending to be Kai. Say you want to rejoin his little cult.

9. Then never show up to the board meeting.

10. Ask, 'Who was the real mastermind behind Biovolt? Voltaire, ....Or the other workers?'

11. But you can give him credit for BEGA. I mean, who else in the world can have enough talent to pay and fuck a mindless little pop singer into endorcing your product?

12. Put WANTED posters up, even if he did nothing at all.

13. Then watch the coppers reel him in. Laughing, of course.

14. Then ignore his pleads for you to pay bail.

15. Make fun of his shoes. 'What big shoes you have! The better to CRUSH YOU ALL, my dear!'

16. So get them off him and walk on HIS TOES in them. See how cocky, =cruel and confident he is then.

17. Go to the police yourself. With minor cuts and bruises. And plead rape charge.

18. Then you get to watch the police reel him in again!

19. Then, go stand in front of his cell door. Give him the awful news. 'Ming Ming seems to be dead, so is BEGA, and... Well fuck you've been in jail on rape charges 4 TIMES! Dude it's over.'

20. Better yet... Make sure he has a cell with LOTS of 'boys'. Just drop the little.


	32. Hiro

**Hiro**

1. I seriously hope I'm not the only one who has noticed this. But if you _did_, you can mention to Hiro how his bitbeast looks more like a monkey than a cat.

2. And you can tell him how much Tyson hates him. 'Hey, he _has_ to hate you! He never even mentioned the fact that you EXISTED until now!'

3. Then ask if his mother was a hog, because Little Brother is a pig.

4. Then you run. Fast. So he can't catch you.

5. Tell him, 'Where _is_ your mom anyway? Bathing in mud somewhere?'

6. Say 'NOW WHO DA FUCK CALLS THEMSELVES 'JIN OF THE GALE'?! YAH, I HOPE A FUCKIN' GALE COMES AND BLOWS YOU AWAY!'

7. Label him a traitor. I mean, he left Tyson and the BBA to help BEGA. Worst then Voltaire if you ask me.

8. Hmmm.... Ask him that if you held up a giant magnet when he was Jin Of The Gale, would he slam into it?

9. Test your theory.

10. Claim him to be a menace to society, like Spiderman was said to be. (Only works with Jin Of The Gale. Unless of course, you use the old 'rape' thing.)

11. Attempt to write Jin a theme song. 'NANANANANANANANANANA JIN OF THE GALE! NANANANANANANANANANA JIN OF THE GALE!'

12. Then act as his sidekick and make an appearance whenever he does.

13. But do something horribly wrong and make him look like an idiot instead of the wise trainer he is.

14. Walk up to him with a coin that says 'BEST brother in the World!'. When his face lights up, tear the coin away and say 'No no no Hiro, that's Crusher's! THIS is yours'! And of course you hand him a mug that says 'WORST brother in the World!'.

15. Tear those damn sunglasses off him and break them.

16. Then glue a pair of Star framed glasses to his face.

17. Use superglue, of course.

18. And laugh when he attempts to tear them off.

19. Better yet, get Tyson a pair too. 'There! Now you look like a family!'

20. Force them out in public, and make sure you sing '.FAM-I-LY!' at the top of your lungs.


	33. Kane

**Kane**

1. Confront him about being pretty much the only beyblader who doesn't wear some fancy get-up.

2. I.E the Phykickz outfit DOES NOT count.

3. Then you can tell him what's even worse; 'You're like Tyson's twin.'

4. 'But better looking.' It's okay to flatter his spirit. But then you have to tear him down. 'But Hiro is cuter than the both of you PUT TOGETHER!'

5. Accuse him of having bad role models. 'Who in their right mind would wanna be like Tyson?!'

6. Then correct your mistake. 'Oh yah; Kane's _not_ in his right mind.'

7. Call him a Tyson wannabe.

8. That will never achieve his goal.

9. You could call him a bad friend too. 'You hurt Salima!!!'

10. Then make fun of him as you watch him stare at Ray and Salima while they're on their date.

11. Call him a shitty blader. 'Well let's see; Kai used Black Dranzer, but he ALWAYS had Dranzer. And everyone else already had bitbeasts too... But WHERE'S YOURS' KANEY BOY?!'

12. Make sure he knows he ruined Tyson's life. Granpa was DROWNING!! And that idiot SAVED HIM!! 'Ooooohhh sorry Tyson, looks like you're still gonna get woken up every morning by a kendo stick to your head!'

13. This is another team you could ask if they were cloned from the White Tigers. Seriously, we got short creepy guy (Kevin/Jim), love-struck girl (Mariam/Salima), big ogre guy (Gary/Goki), and 'tries to be cool but isn't' captain. (Lee/Kane)

14. Label him the person that everyone gets to blame things on. 'IT'S YOUR FAULT HITLER HURT THE JEWS! IT'S YOUR FAULT! (cries)'

15. Tell him to get off his lazy good-fo-nuthin ass and ask Salima out.

16. Before you do. (Warning; Works best with male participants)

17. And if he doesn't, claim you turned her into a lesbian, and you, Queen and she are having a threesome tonight. (Warning; Works best with female participants)

18. Mail Cyber Dragoon whereever he goes. 'You can't run away Kane. Hear me? YOU CAN'T RUN AWAY!'

19. Ask, '.......Where the fuck did you come from??'

20. And when says he travels the world, ask him how he gets money to do that. Make sure he knows your guess is prostitution.


	34. Enrique

**Enrique**

1. Use _him_ as the sex slave this time around.

2. Replace every Playboy you can find in his collection to a Playgirl.

3. With Robert on the cover if you can find any. (Which is unlikely..... lol)

4. Poke a hole in his condom stash.

5. And replace any and all pills he has with Estrogen. 'As if he couldn't sound more like a girl already..'

6. Plant photos of he and Oliver gettin' down an' dirty!

7. Then sell them to the tabloids.

8. Write a biography of his life. Blur the details significantly. (Warning; Prank has already been subjected to Robert Jurgen. Keep them from contact with eachother to avoid repetition)

9. Insist that he's gay.

10. And has AIDS.

11. Buy him many, many hookers. Then watch as they drain him dry for money.

12. Then laugh when he cries because they took all his money. And left. Laugh because he has no more hookers or money.

13. Then tell him to mooch off Johnny. Watch as Johnny beats the face off him. With a tennis racket. "Game Set And Match.'

14. Anyone wanna rain on a little battle armor?

15. Call him 'Enrique-poo' in front of all the guys.

16. And rag on him for life.

17. Write 'ENRIQUE GIANCARLO LIKES IT IN THE ASS!!!' on the side of his mansion. Then under it, 'If YOU like it in the ass, call me!' But of course, learn his phone number first.

18. Not to mention, but you could give it to EVERY FAT AND UGLY GIRL YOU CAN FIND. Say Enrique changed his mind about the one night stand sitch.

19. Find out the name of his last girlfriend, and call him pretending to be her. 'Well Enrique-poo, I took this pregnancy test see...'

20. Make fun of him because his own bitbeast tried to kill him. 'Hey; At least I didn't have to do it.'


	35. King

**King**

1. Get that bastard a queen who people DON'T think is his sister.

2. Or leave him the way he is. Don't tell him about how everyone makes fun of him behind his back. 'Shh shh guys, here he comes now!'

3. Buy him hair dye. It's like Rick. Old geezer hair.

4. Does anyone besides me think his little outfit looks like an astronaut ensemble gone wrong? GOD you should blast him into space.

5. And put his beyblade on a separate rocket.

6. 'You know what _is_ weird about King??? People say Queen is his sister, but he's black, ..And she's white.....'

7. Steal his bag of parts.

8. And sell them on the Black Market.

9. But don't forget to strip his own blade first.

10. Ask around to see how many other people think it's funny that the only bitbeast fit for a king is a giant mountain goat thingy. Aha.

11. Better yet, get a court order that says he has to change his name.

12. To....... Bob.....

13. Introduce him to the King of England and give both a royal parchment and a sword. Take score and see who comes out the winner.

14. Play him in a game of Chess, and laugh as every time you say something about the King or Queen game pieces he turns and says 'Huh? Where??'

15. Cheer Kai on in another grudge/revenge match.

16. Jump in when Queen does.

17. Chain Daichi or Tyson to his ankle, and say 'Every King's village needs an Idiot.'

18. Get bigger, stronger Parts Hunters and let them have their way with King. 'Not _that_ way you perves.'

19. Better yet..... MAKE IT that way.

20. Then quote, 'Better than fuckin' your sister ain't it???'


	36. Mathilda

**Mathilda**

1. Ask her if she knows Peter Pan.

2. Make fun of her for having Mariah as a style icon. 'EW! Pink hair is _so _last year!'

3. Tell her to gain some goddamn weight and grow an inch or two. It's like a female version of Joseph...

4. Beybattle her once she's learned not to cheat.

5. And cheat yourself. 'That's how it feels, bitch!'

6. Buy her a new voicebox.

7. Then try to put it in yourself.

8. Point out how when she launches her attack, she grows wings. When her bitbeast is a hedgehog. 'There's something wrong there....'

9. Accuse her of stealing _another _person's style; Tai Kamea of Digimon. 'He did the goggle thing first!'

10. Call her a pussy. We all know she doesn't have any confidence.

11. Then call her emo and that she should go cut her wrists. 'There. The pink hair's a nice ironic touch.'

12. Pit she and Mariah in a style battle. Bet on the winner. 'I'm betting on Mariah, cause she's got bigger jugs!'

13. Tell her team to ignore her for a week, and watch as she goes totally mental from realization that they can't always baby her.

14. Lock Mathilda in a room with Barthez. (Warning; Results may vary.)

15. Say she reminds you of someone.... Hm... Who was it?? Oh yeah!!!! Dora the Explorer!

16. Spread a rumor that when she's off-camera, she's in a room by herself snorting a lil of her 'pixie dust.'

17. Compare her to a mouse. You won't find many differences.

18. Set she and Max up on a blind date. But make sure Max's current girlfriend comes along for the ride.

19. Ask her age. 'GodDAMMIT, how old are you anyway?!'

20. Don't wait for an answer. Just fill out a kindergarten application.


	37. Miguel

**Miguel**

1. Tell him he looks like a blonde version of Ozuma.

2. And that it's not the good blonde, either.

3. Tell people he is Satan incarnate; I mean, he grows devil wings in battle for fuck's sake.

4. Spread a rumor that he secretly molests Matilda on his team and that's the reason she's so shy.

5. Call him a total puppet. 'Barthez played you, fool.'

6. Give Ray-fans his personal home address. 'You tried to cheat Ray out of a win.... I feel sorry for you dude.'

7. Make fun of him for 'feeling good that he lost against Tyson'. I betcha he went home and cried himself to sleep that night.

8. 'Haha, dude, you lost to Julia... You lost to a GIRL!'

9. Tell him to take his 'European' team and to go straight to hell; the Majestics own that part of the world.

10. Walk up to him and ask, 'So what's it like being Barthez's bitch?'

11. Burn his clothes. His pants didn't match that god awful sweater in any way.

12. Or, just tear off all the buckles. 'Those are dangerous to wear in sporting events you know...'

13. 'Man... Your bitbeast didn't even come to you. Barthez like, GAVE it to you...'

14. Tell him to leave the rock statue home and go get a real bitbeast.

15. Make fans choose between Miguel or Ozuma; who's hotter?

16. Get some tweezers. 'Hold still... When I look at you, all I see is eyebrows... Horrible, horrible eyebrows!'

17. His hair is 2 different colors... Ask him if he dyes it.

18. When he says no, follow him around like stick on a Tyson looking for grey hairs.

19. Give the Majestics his address, so whichever one of them is nearest to which Euro city he lives in can go whoop his ass. 'WOOOOOOOO! GO JOHNNY!'

20. Ignore him. He's such an unpopular character in the Beyblading world as it is, that ignoring him will probably make him slit his wrists.


End file.
